Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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