Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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