I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
