You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
