Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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