these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
