I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
