i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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