she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
