She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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