I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
