Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
