Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Boobs are out for the taking
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
