If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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