I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
