does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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