you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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