I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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