I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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