so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
