please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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