You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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