GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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