If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
