My first STD was from a foam party
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
