My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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