I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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