Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
