im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
