Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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