Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
