You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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