Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
