I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We just shotgunned beers for America
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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