Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
