He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
