So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
More tranny stories later!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
