I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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