I wish you could order shots online.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
