Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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