I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize