Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize