It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
