singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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