yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
