I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
