Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
