Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
