I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
