Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
