Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
