his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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