I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
