Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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