I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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