So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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