His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
