She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
