Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
