did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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