A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
