Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
