so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
a search helicopter?!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
