Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
