whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
soo... how was my night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
