mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
