I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
