Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
