Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
